and I said goodbye.

sent: 06-21-2008
to: ...

I rily didnt knw dt its posible jud dt a lov can last 4ever.
Pipol r skeptics bwt ds coz dy r n constant denial;
Afraid of rjction, afraid of pain and afraid of taking risks.
It took me 6 years to realize this.
One chance, dats ol u hav.
F u think u'v found it, then go ahead - jump!
Dnt wory bwt dying jst yet, ul know it when u get there.
Som live and hav d chance of hapiness, they are d lucky ones.
Some die, unable to endure d pain of not being caught from dyr fol.
Irony of love.
Me? I died.

Yes, I think this is my way of telling him that I'm saying goodbye. I can't be a fool forever you know. Enough is enough. It's about time that I wake up. Now I know what Bob Marley meant when he didn't want to wait in vain for love. It's just to painful. It's as if your standing at the edge of a cliff, not knowing if somebody will catch you by the time you'll finally have the guts to jump. That's why I sent him the message. But I know that he's clueless na that message was FOR him. We'll I don't know. I'm putting a stop sign and I'm changing directions, 'coz if I don't, I know I won't be able to make it anywhere.

Then maybe, just maybe, by the time I'll read this again years from now, I'd be able to smile because I would remember that this was the day that I said goodbye.

Believing + Fate = Stupidity

fate

noun

1. That which is inevitably destined

- - -

Is there such thing as fate?
I think that people who believe in fate are desperate.
I think I believe in fate.
So does that mean I'm desperate?

I really don't know. Maybe I am.
I keep on trying to hold on to something so surreal.
I keep on reaching out to someone who doesn't even want to know that I still exist.
Is this what you call karma?
If it is then hell, I should say that the karmic law is a bitch.

I sound so bitter.
I don't like myself when I'm bitter.
Why should I be? After 6 years?
This is hilarious.
Laugh out loud people, laugh out loud!

This is so stupid.
This whole thing is making me stupid.

A Song by Colbie Caillat

... was all he said.

I don't know why I'm missing someone who I don't think I would miss six years ago. I try so hard every single day to not think about him but it's helpless.

What could have happened if I stayed and never left Iligan? I wish.
We had something special. But I ended it because I was too immature. I had hurt him, I know. I didn't think at all that that could have been it. He could have been my Mr. Right. We could have shared a lifetime together. These are all what if's, I just wish I could have another shot of the real thing.

I just miss him a lot. Period. When he asked me almost a year ago, what was he in my life -- I answered "You are someone that I like talking to". (I was too scared to tell him that he was someone that I had always hoped to be with. I was afraid of rejection.) He said, I was too shallow. Was I?
Who was I to expect that he wanted something more? He hated and never spoke to me for years. And just like that, he expects me to read in between the lines?

Why can't you understand me? Why won't you listen to what I have to say now? Is it that hard? Have you really moved on already? Have you? This is tough shit.

What's making me feel bad about the whole situation is that no matter how much I try and ask myself the "what if's", all the answers point to me; that I am to be blamed for all the mess that I'm going through. This is so unfair. All I do is beat myself up emotionally.

Well, there is nothing that I can really do at this point. I guess I'll just wait. Time will tell. Time, time, time. For how long? Another couple of years? Geeezz... Why can't love be any easier?
Paco, can you bring him back to me?

A song by Colbie Caillat , it's REALIZE. I hope you took the time to listen to it for me. And I said that this song will tell you exactly what I want to tell you now.